~PrincessOfTheDishes

I have a habit of drawing people winking, especially on Tegaki. I just realized this. I guess that's good, if I were drawing Lambo all the time, like Sara. Speaking of, I'm a Reborn fag now. I can't stop thinking about it now, thanks a lot Sara. One more thing on my to-do list. xD No really, I think I've fallen for the show since I relate it in my head to so many things already. Gawd I love Gokudera!

I got my driver's license! But no car to drive. D; And no money, because my parents always need help. Damnit, parents are supposed to be the ones loaning me money, not the other way around! Dx People wonder why I'm so crazy...

Okay. That's it really. Summer school ends in two days. Real school starts too soon. I work a lot. Same old, same old. But I'm trying to stay positive. It's hard. I can't wait to be done living sometimes.

I LOVE YOU ALL. Thanks for helping me out and stuff. Sorry I'm such a depressing person.

I don't need a reason! D< ((lol sonic lyrics))

"Waste all your time with me!

I know I'm a mess right now,

Don't give up, believe.

I waited it out for you..."

Oh, by the way, that mood thing lies. I can't change it because my computer is glitchy. Joy is not one of the feelings I feel right now.

That song started to play on shuffle and I realized it describes how I feel nowadays.

I'm pretty depressed. And if I said why everyone would just get mad at me. The big reason, though, is a common one. Well, it's not so common considering I'm only 17. But I feel so much older. And I feel like a failure but I haven't even tried yet. I feel too old, uncomfortable. Unstable. I can't live, I just don't get it. I don't understand what keeps some people going, how some people are so carefree. Maybe I think too much. I worry too much, I'm making it hard on myself.

IT'S NOT MY FAULT. It's how I am. How I've always been. I'm trying to change. I've been trying to change. It's hard, with no help. I feel alone, though there's people everywhere. I feel abandoned. But I'm not. I don't understand it. Don't ridicule me. Because I know you will. Don't console me, I don't want pity or lies. Just try and understand. Because I can't understand. I just don't understand... Maybe there's nothing to understand? Maybe I'm just supposed to live, with no hidden meanings and no secret pitfalls. I feel like I'm walking on a field of mines. But maybe there are no mines and there never were any?

I'm afraid to be myself. And I'm afraid to be sad. I feel like I should just be happy all the time. No one likes me when I'm sad and everyone has come to expect me to be happy. I'm not. I rarely am. And then I feel bad because I feel like I should be happy. I don't know, I think I stopped making sense. I wish I could let someone see me cry without feeling like I'm imposing myself on them. I need support. Everyone has come to see me as strong, independent. I wish that was the case. It's all lies. I act so indifferent... But really, when it comes to people I like I'm scared. I couldn't give a fuck about what strangers think of me. But my friends... I'm a disappointment and just a big fuck up to them, aren't I?

I'm going to stop. I think too much and that's that. But for now, I'm depressed, fyi. I'm going to go hang out with Tator since she lives up the street now. And Sara wouldn't take me to sunsplash with them, but that's not her fault. I have no money but I work all the time, why is life so cruel?

I'm sorry for imposing myself on whoever who reads this. I just... nevermind. I'm sorry.

~Li

PS: I still don't know where I'm moving to. And it's killing me slowly.

EPIC WIN!

I finally found something to show you guys of my cosplay! No pictures, other than the ones on my phone, but here's the video of me on stage!

[link]

It was lots of fun. I won Christophe's Judge prize, too! It was because I looked like I had just walked right out of the anime or whatever. I don't remember the words exactly. I won a poster, a plush, some cards and a DVD. It was sweet.

I had lots of fun! I got the cutest figurines, too! Kyo Kara Maoh, of course. Gawd, so many cool people and everyone was so nice.

I'm not going to list everything, but I am going to say I got to meet LAURA BAILEY! Another voice actor idol of mine. And Greg Ayres, who is so cool.

When I went to claim my prize someone threw me a flower, it was cute! It matched those flowers in the clip there. ((Which were Lissa's, I borrowed them))

Man... so I'll get back to doing things soon. That was fun. I had a pretty good amount of people recongize me as Wolfram, more fans than I thought. Vance was Conrad and we hung out for a bit. Sara was Simon from Gurren Lagann. Lissa was Marluxia from KH2.

Sorry about not updating anything in forever! I'm outta school and stuff so it should all be good soon.

Thanks for puttin' up with me! ~

[[EDIT]]

I found some pictures and things, sadly all the pictures are from the masquerade:

[link]

[link]


And here I am in this video, killing myself. ((I'm the third or fourth one...))

[link]

That's all for now! ^^

Here, watch this:

[link]

((Luigi rox))

And hey, I got one of these faggy things:

[link]

((I don't know how to use my tablet so good...))

And my last journal was too stupid, please disregard any information it might have said.

Tests suck. That's all I have to say about life at the moment. Oh, and Good Omens is the best book ever. My new favorite. Because I'm a fag.

I'm volunteering at Saboten-con. If that means anything to you, great. I don't think my Wolfram cosplay will be done in time...

PEACE OUT!

-Li

BTW: I want a boyfriend, no joke. It's a logical reason. I need to kiss someone before I get my braces. I don't want my first kiss to be with braces. And if I don't get a boyfriend now I'll have to wait until my second year in college. I guess I could wait, but whatever. I wonder what it's like....

I mean, I don't usually update my journal so quickly. But...

And I feel bad for even saying this, because it's wrong...

But my birthday wasn't very good at all.

The actually day. I'm hoping the party will be cool.

And Sara did a great job of keeping me from crying myself to sleep. Since she came over it made it feel a lot better while she was there. I love the picture she gave me. Gawd I love House. And the anime she watched with me, Gurren Lagan. I've been wanting to watch that for awhile but I could never remember the name.

I had a ceremony interrupt my birthday, but it was okay, because I got a medal. I didn't even know you got a medal for Language Honor Society. I love medals. The last medal I got was in thrid grade, for jumping about ten feet in the long jump or something. I was only about three feet or less...((I was short...))

But usually the day of my birthday feels a little bit special. I mean last year it was on final show night, we had cake AND cupcakes back stage. The year before that I had a bunch of cosplayers sing me happy birthday and almost won anime fear factor. The years before that for as long as I can remember we at least went out to eat at a resturant.

This year I got sushi from wal-mart and not so much as a birthday cookie.

And my family won't help me clean the house. And I have another award ceremony tomorrow, a Speech to give for running for a Theatre Officer position on Thursday, and more award stuff on Friday. My party's Saturday. If I were still working I think I would have died already.

Thank you for being there while I was so emotional Sara. ((Even though she doesn't pay attention to these...))



...I just feel like no one remembered it was my birthday. Except Sara and Nicole, but their my bestest of friends. No one at my school remembered it was my birthday. Everyone questioned my formal birthday attire. I muttered that it was my birthday so many times I started to doubt it myself. I don't know. I have to thank Sara again, for coming over and trying to cheer me up, but I was already sad before she came. I felt bad for being so emotional. But I guess I'm just one big fuck up or something. I hope the party is better. Oh gawd I hope the party turns out okay...

Sorry, I just had to get that off my chest. I feel better now. I'm sorry, again. I usually don't do this kinda stuff...

Sorry...